Eternity
I didn’t really want to trek all the way to that castle made of ice
In bare feet, with no coat or hat or mittens
Just to save that stupid boy who was always so mean to me
After that mirror shard landed in his eye but even sometimes
Truth be told
Before, when we were
Innocent but not
Sweet
I didn’t really want to travel so far—
There were so many places I could have stopped
Along the way
And had a perfectly nice life, or at least
A few good years
There was that cottage with the kind old woman
Who reminded me of Kay’s grandma
(Who I always wished, secretly, was my grandma)
The woman who grew flowers that told stories
And cherries so sweet they soothed all pain
If only the painted rose on her hat had not made me
Remember thorns
I might have stayed forever—
Then came that castle, lined with silk the color of
Thornless roses, roses that would never
Fade. Soporific castle where the princess invited
Me to sleep a sleep so soft and long
I might never have awakened—
If she had not given me the choice, the gold
Carriage and passage to the north, I would have
Stayed. But that gold brought bright eyes my way:
A robber girl peering shrewd from the forest
Her gaze penetrating the frosted window of the carriage
Invading my insides, burrowing in my warmth
She saw the side of me that needed no
Fur coat or muff, no comb through my tangled
Locks, no boy I sought to rescue despite
His cruel words and eyes and heart
The side of me that needed only bare feet
On earth, the sound of rustling leaves and
Burbling streams, the thrill of the hunt
Taste of stolen metal and meat, my
Robber girl beside me—
I could have stayed. I would have stayed, if it
Wasn’t for the way my lover, my thief always slept
With her long, sharp knife. I knew she would never
Loosen her fist from around that wooden hilt
So I chose the snow beneath my bare feet, the
Frost cocooning my hands, while my robber
Girl dozed with her knife inside my fur muff
As I walked, I wondered: Would my cruel boy, Kay,
Always hold that glass shard in his heart, clutch it
Tight like a fist around the handle of a knife? Was I
Foolish to have left what I had left
Behind?
And when I made it past the snowflake guards, to the
Great ice palace with its piercing spires, with my numb
Hands and feet and heart, I realized just how foolish I
Had been
And when I saw the queen on her throne of ice, her beauty
Frozen and fadeless, I understood how very worthless my
Efforts were
And when I saw that stupid, mean boy, older and leaner
Now, sitting on the floor with his puzzle, trying to arrange
The pieces into a word that did not exist, I believed
We were two halves of the same whole—
Both of us reaching for what should not be reached for
Seeing what should not be seen. We might never truly
See each other, never grasp what we yearned for
The very thought of it made me weep—
Warm, salty tears that swept the glass in my Kay’s
Eyes and heart away
He looked at me, his blue eyes clear and kind and cruel
And I thought:
Perhaps our puzzle pieces will never notch. Perhaps
There is no eternity, no beauty without a freeze; but
We could still walk beside each other, jagged edges
Searching for the way home
We left the frozen fortress, and the ice
Melted from our hearts, from our
Memories, as if it were
Nothing more than
A painful
Dream
Stephanie Parent is a graduate of the Master of Professional Writing program at USC. Her poetry has been nominated for a Rhysling Award and Best of the Net.